Things I know to be true about me and my life on this ruminative Easter Sunday afternoon:
I think too much, worry too much. I tell my friends my brain is too tired from thinking things through and down to the last detail. In my work as a public relations orchestrator that’s usually a handy trait, but it makes me very anal company outside of the office. Ok, even in. Nobody likes a controlling know-it-all. My brain is tired and I’m beginning rub my family and friends the wrong way.
I need to return to my creative roots, instead. I am a storyteller by nature and I need to be able to tell better stories. I’ve always known I ought to write more. I love creating. I also miss TV production work: shooting, directing, scriptwriting, editing and seeing the final video. In my heart, I know this is why I bought my GoPro cameras and I realize I am happiest when I am creating home movies of our adventures with our kids.
I can’t do it all and this Superman complex that has me believing I should fix everything and help everyone will be the death of me. DC Comics really fucked me up this way.
I have to accept that some people are meant to be in my life only until a certain time. If they are meant to be in my life, they will catch up. Still, maybe some people are worth fighting to keep?
I’m an impetuous malcontent and I still haven’t learned to rein in my typical Sagittarius fire-sign + ADHD impulses. That’s why I burn out so often. Only, when I burn, I burn really bright.
I miss having a quiet place where I can think. Back when I was in school, I would spend mornings and afternoons in the prayer room above the cafeteria.
I have got to stop being a melodramatic, sentimental sadsack who lives inside his head too much. If you see me zoning out these days, I’m probably: 1. Thinking a problem through or 2. Reliving an old hurt.
I need funny, new friends. People who will tell me I’m taking life too seriously. Over beer and karaoke.
All these things I’ve written down are self-inflicted hurts. I could be writing about things I’m grateful for, but these things have been weighing down on me for awhile now.
It’s time for a change. It’s time for me to change. This cocoon is taking too damn long to spin.